


In the Garden

by Talax



Category: LazyTown
Genre: Frottage, M/M, Miscommunication, Mud, One explicit chapter, Outdoor Sex, Porn with Feelings, Secret Identity, sex in the rain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-22
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2018-11-03 16:48:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10971345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Talax/pseuds/Talax
Summary: Sportacus accidently creates a civilian alter-ego, accidently really likes it.





	1. Chapter 1

The evening air was always cool in Lazytown; it made Sportacus’s exposed arms form little bumps. Sportacus didn’t hear any children running around town; after all, it was past 8:08 and the children rarely stayed up later than him. Sportacus would have liked to be in bed himself, but during his nightly before-bed stretches he suddenly remembered it hadn’t rained in a good while and the community garden in town desperately needed to be watered.

 

Sportacus could have waited until morning. Probably should have, since his eyes weren’t good after dark and his daytime outfit was not yet dry from its cleaning. But he just couldn’t stop thinking about those poor thirsty plants. They were in trouble (at least he thought “pretty thirsty” counted as a kind of trouble), so he trudged out of bed and put on what he could find in the forgotten chambers of his closet.

 

Down in the town garden, he tried to rub the goosebumps off his arms. If only he’d had a better change of clothes. The current ensemble was an undershirt and a pair of pants an ex had left him, baggy in style but small and tight around his hips. Not exactly the most comfortable way to garden, but it didn’t matter. He was happy with his task to accomplish.

 

Sportacus filled his watering can nearly to the brim, enjoying the strain it put on his arms. The pitter patter of water on the leaves sounded like an enthusiastic chorus of “thank you!” to Sportacus. 

 

“You’re welcome, friends,” Sportacus whispered to them, brushing his hand through the leaves. Sportacus squinted, hoping to see at least an outline of his happy green friends, but to no avail. His eyes had adjusted to the darkness as much as they could (which wasn’t much at all). He could see vague outlines of planters, which was a little helpful but not really satisfying nor necessary.

 

Luckily, Sportacus could rely on his muscle memory to get around the garden. He didn’t get much practice walking around in the dark, since he’d been going to sleep at 8:08 since birth, but he had no problem navigating such a familiar place. Sportacus had a very good memory for movement. In fact, he was sure he could get anywhere in Lazytown even if he was blindfolded and could only move in flips. Not that he would do that. Very bad example for the kids. Even if it sounded incredibly fun.

 

The task at hand was fun enough, moving between planters and using his other senses to ensure he was watering the plants well enough. It wasn’t often he actually did any of the gardening. The kids had planted them without him and he thought it was best to let them take care of it. But now that he was doing it, feeling the wet dirt in his fingers and the heft of the watering can, he found that he really enjoyed it.

 

As he ran out of water on the last planter, he paused for a moment, taking in the sensations he could. The smell of the wet soil, the dirt that had accumulated on his hands, the chill of the night air on his skin, the sound of the leaves rustled one last time by a stray breeze, the breeze which tousled the exposed hair on his head. The air felt sweeter and fuller in his lungs as he breathed in deeply, not wishing to remove himself from the idyllic scene.

 

But eventually the tightness of his back and the heaviness of his eyes called him back up the airship.

 

\--

 

“Sportacus! Sportacus!” Ziggy called out.

 

Sportacus turned his head. “What is it, Ziggy? I got your letter.” Sportacus held the slightly sticky letter in front of him. The letter tube had woken him up much later than usual (the sun had already been up for an hour). He supposed those dreams about his childhood home were a powerful incentive to sleep through the sunrise.

 

“There was a stranger in the garden last night!” Ziggy blurted out.

 

“What?” Sportacus asked. It must have been himself that Ziggy had seen. He knew his human friends in Lazytown could see much better in the low light than him, but apparently not well enough to identify him.

 

“Yeah, yeah! There was a stranger messing around. Can you come with me to see if he stole anything?”

 

Sportacus laughed. He was just unable to resist the temptation to let this misunderstanding play out a bit longer. “Alright. Let’s go.”

 

Ziggy charged over to the garden and waited for Sportacus to come closer before he dared approach the garden. He wasn’t the same scared kid as when Sportacus had entered town years ago, but he was still hesitant around danger. Sportacus thought a healthy fear of danger was okay; after all, he couldn’t be there to save these kids forever.

 

Sportacus opened the gate and motioned for Ziggy to follow him. They both approached the first planter. “Nothing looks stolen” he said, “but I do notice that something is different”. He waited for Ziggy to examine it a bit.

 

“I don’t get it!” Ziggy scratched his head.

 

“Are you sure? Try touching the dirt.” Sportacus hovered his hand over the dirt.

 

Ziggy hesitantly pressed his hand into the soil. “It’s wet!” He declared.

 

“But it didn’t rain last night” Sportacus coaxed Ziggy along.

 

“That means the stranger was watering the garden! Oh boy! He’s a nice stranger! I’m going to go tell the others!” Ziggy took off towards Pixel’s house.

 

Sportacus held his hand over his mouth as he chuckled. He had a great idea for what to do next. He went to his ship and got out the clothes he’d worn the night before. “I’ll go down wearing the same thing and then they’ll realize it was me!” He took off his suit, goggles and hat and hung them carefully back in the closet, making sure to put the crystal in his pocket. It wouldn’t beep without the mechanism in his suit, but it would vibrate in a way that Sportacus was sure he could hear as long as he was listening.

 

His pants and tank top were still sitting out. Luckily he hadn’t the chance to wash them yet so they were dry and only a little muddy. He looked in the mirror at himself and was surprised to find he really did look like a different person. Without his hat on, his shaggy curls were slipping into his face. His outfit was noticeably not-blue, except his gardening gloves, shoes, and apron. He decided with the weather being what it was, he would go barefoot. If he was going to be casual he might as well go all the way. The only thing that really looked the same about his ensemble was his characteristic mustache jutting off his face.

 

“Well, I don’t want them to recognize me right away” he tweaked the corners a bit until his mustache was curled upwards and around. Sportacus laughed at his reflection. He wasn’t sure if the change would really be enough to make him unrecognizable, but it was at least silly enough to get a few laughs out of the kids.

 

Sportacus peered out the view screen of his airship and determined that no one was looking, and he dropped down just outside the town center and made his way to the garden.

 

The children were discussing the stranger enthusiastically, which tickled Sportacus even more.

 

He leaned on a planter with one arm and cleared his throat.

 

Four heads whipped around at once. “There he is!!!” Ziggy pointed. “I told you he was real, Stingy!”

 

Stingy made a “humph” noise and turned his nose away from the group.

 

“Who are you?!” Trixie asked full of vitriol. Sportacus noted that she was becoming more and more protective of her friends by the day.

 

“I’m the gardener of course!” Sportacus said moving behind the plants, where he was a little less visible and started busying himself pulling weeds out of the planter.

 

“The gardener? Since when have we had a gardner? Did my father pay for you?”

 

Sportacus laughed. “No, I just love to garden. You all have a wonderful plot of land but I noticed you needed some work done.”

 

“What? We work on it all the time!” Trixie pushed.

 

“Well,” Pixel started, looking down at his watch, “it’s been at least 20 days since we performed any maintenance…”

 

Sportacus tried to snap his gloved hand as he hopped off the ground, landing in a plie. “When I notice a garden that needs tending I can’t help but stop and work.”

 

“Can we help?” Ziggy asked, suddenly by his side.

 

“Well, sure” Sportacus smiled. It was good to know that Ziggy wasn’t only so helpful to gain Sportacus’s approval. He was just a helpful enthusiastic kid, even to this stranger.

 

“Us too?” Pixel asked, already opening the shed where the kids kept their gardening equipment.

 

“Of course!”

 

After about half an hour of weeding, Sportacus was realizing that no matter how much time the kids spent looking at him, they really seemed to not understand that he was Sportacus.

 

“Mister Gardener!” Stingy called over. “Would you help me get the weeds in _my_ plot”

 

“Of course, Stingy!”

 

“What! You don’t get to use _my_ name unless I know yours. What’s your name?”

 

Sportacus froze. He had to make a decision as to how far he would let this go. Should he lie to the kids and give them a fake name? He didn’t even know any human names.

 

“My name is…” he looked down at the weed in his hands. “Leaf.”

 

“Leif? You must be from Scandinavia! I’m Trixie!”

 

“I’m Ziggy!”

 

“I’m Pixel!”

 

Sportacus couldn’t help but laugh. He totally lucked out that Leif was a real name. “It’s great to meet you all! And to have your help with taking care of this wonderful garden. I need to go now, but I’ll be back later to finish the work on our garden!”

 

After a chorus of, “goodbye, Leif,” Sportacus was able to duck between some buildings and call the ladder to his airship.

 

In the airship he found he was bouncing with energy. Well, that was pretty normal but this felt different. He moved from foot to foot as he called down the mirror again.

 

He looked at his appearance, dirty on his knees and gloves, hair a messy mop, mustache curled absurdly. He was even slouching a little. He was having a fantastic time playing pretend. He liked being someone else quite a lot, especially because as a superhero he was so rigid and proper. He had been restraining himself a lot more that's he’d realized. Maybe being Leif, just someone who could play in the dirt and be normal, was a good idea?

 

Sportacus brought himself back to reality. That was silly. He was Sportacus and he loved being Sportacus. Saving people and helping children be happy and healthy was his passion. He would tell the kids tonight, after one last session as Leif. For now, it was time to be Sportacus again.

 

\--

 

Sportacus, clad in his normal blue attire, raced down into town to find the kitten stuck in the tree once again. He carefully lowered it down to the ground, but not before brushing their whiskers together. “Be more careful kitten,” he cooed.

 

“Sportacus!!!”

 

Sportacus turned to see Ziggy running towards him.

 

“Good afternoon, Ziggy, glad to see you active.”

 

Ziggy skidded to a stop. “The stranger came back! And you were right! He was a nice stranger. His name is Leif and he helped us garden!”

 

“Fantastic!” Sportacus reacted honestly.

 

“And and and, he’s coming back tonight to help us garden some more!! You should come meet him!! He’s so cool and he knows so much about Sportscandy!”

 

Sportacus smiled “I beat he does. Hopefully I’ll run into him.” Sportacus said.

 

“Yeah!!!” Ziggy ran off again.

 

\--

 

At 5:00 pm Sportacus put his mismatched outfit on for the third time and entered town. He was greeted by his four friends from earlier, as well as Stephanie.

 

Sportacus was sure the jig was up. Stephanie would have to know it was him.

 

“Look, look, here he is!” Ziggy pulled Stephanie closer to “Leif”.

 

Sportacus held his breath and waited for his fun to end.

 

“I’m Stephanie!” Stephanie stuck out a hand, which Sportacus gently shook.

 

“Leif,” Sportacus said.

 

“The others says you have good gardening tips. Can I join you all tonight?”

 

Sportacus nodded, either she was playing along or she didn’t recognize him either. “Of course you can.” Sportacus led the children around the last few weedy planters and started explaining some gardening facts: which weeds would strangle their plants, to make sure to dig up the roots to keep them from growing back, that kind of thing, while they worked.

 

It was far more than he usually talked, and the kids were eating it up. He continued to explain which vegetables would do better in the shade of the apple tree and which would do better in the direct light. He was sure to compliment the kids when they dug up big weeds or had some information to share back to him.

 

At the end of it all, Sportacus and the kids were dirty, tired, and happy. The Mayor brought them lemonade, which Sportacus politely declined, instead grabbing an apple from a low hanging branch and sitting cross legged on the wall.

 

“Leif, you did a splendid job on this garden. It looks just like new.”

 

“Why thank you, Mayor.”

 

The Mayor adjusted his vest a little as they both watched the kids still running and playing. “They’re really happy campers now. They like you a lot.”

 

Sportacus looked down bashfully. “That’s nice,” he said. 

 

“I was wondering if you were planning to stay in Lazytown for long?”

 

“Well, I don’t know yet.”

 

“You could fix up my personal garden if you’re looking for a paid job.”

 

Sportacus tilted his head in confusion. No one had offered to pay him for anything before. “I can’t accept your money” he said automatically.

 

“Really? Oh my... we can discuss your payment later if you’d like. I was thinking the theme could be ’pink’ for Stephanie but I will leave the details to your creative eye Mr. Leif.”

 

Sportacus wasn’t sure what to say. “You /really/ want my help?”

 

“Oh yes, every time I try to do any ‘yard work’ I end up in danger. I’m afraid I simply can’t do it without getting into trouble.”

 

Sportacus felt the crystal in his pocket vibrate slightly at the phrase. Maybe he would still be a hero for helping the mayor with this one small thing. And doing it in his Leif disguise (disguise? He had to think of a better word for it than that) was a good way to ensure he could spend enough time fixing it. The last time he’d tried to help with yard work he’d merely placed the mayor’s fence back up without securing it before running off to do something else. It had fallen over by time he saw it next. 

 

Maybe as Leif, he could put more care into his work. He could construct a sturdier fence. He could remake the planter over the window that he noticed was starting to rot. Maybe he could even get the kids to help paint the fence to keep them out of trouble. 

 

Sportacus realized that he’d been silent too long and snapped back to the present. “I’m glad to help, Mayor. I’ll get started on it tomorrow.”

 

“ _Oh_ ,” The mayor projected his voice to the kids still playing around them “Mr. Leif will be staying in Lazytown a little longer”

 

The kids all cheered and ambushed Leif with hugs. 

 

Sportacus felt a laugh erupt from inside himself as the kids all tried to talk to him at once. They really liked Leif. They really appreciated him. Sportacus felt happy every time he saved someone and every time he saw his friends learn and grow, but having them all clinging to his legs and giggling as he walked was a feeling of elation he rarely felt.

 

With that feeling still buzzing around inside him, he said goodbye and went up to the airship. The sun was setting and it was nearly 8:08. He stretched out his muscles, tired in different places than usual. It was just as rewarding,he couldn’t help but think as he scrubbed the dirt and sweat out of his clothing- Just as rewarding to be Leif as to be Sportacus. He didn’t have very much time to mull over his thoughts, which was probably better. He didn’t want to give himself the chance to feel guilty over having a little fun. Fun was good, helping people and making his friends happy was good. He didn’t want to think about it any deeper than that. He went to bed still buzzing with contentment and excitement for the next day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to @GAlNAX (on Twitter) for beta reading!
> 
> This was based on some tweets I made at 6 am some morning about a month ago. Writing something where the plot isn't revolving around smut has been... A learning experience...


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry Robbie wasn't in the first chapter! He's here now!

Robbie admired the lack of shadows around him on the perfectly overcast morning as he strolled through town. He would never be up this early, except that he had slept for twelve hours and was going to treat himself to a nice picnic in the park before the kids woke up.

As he spied the perfect spot by the apple tree in the center of town, Robbie noticed something moving. Instinctively fearful, he leapt behind the closest wall and breathed deeply until his heart rate recovered from the initial shock. He peeked over the wall and assessed the scene. 

The movement was someone in the garden, steadily pouring a watering can with his arms... His wonderfully bare, impressively toned, sun-bleached baby-hair covered arms… The blond hair atop his head was tied loosely in the back and making Robbie’s heart rate pick right back up again. Robbie wanted to run his hands through those curls. And his eyes were so blue and-

Wait, why could he see his eyes?

“Good morning,” the stranger called over to Robbie.

Robbie ducked back behind the wall.

“I can see you there. You don’t need to hide.”

Robbie straightened himself out -rather too quickly: the blood rushed from his head and he had to steady himself on the low wall-, “I wasn’t hiding. I was... Looking at this rock.”

He picked up what was unfortunately the most average rock he’d ever seen.

“Oh really?” The man placed his watering can on the wall between them (when had he gotten so close?) and leaned on it, displaying his muscles in a new way. His tanktop could barely contain his chest and Robbie was having trouble looking away. The man’s calloused hands guided Robbie’s hand close to his face. He inspected the rock, turning it over in Robbie’s palm.

“This isn’t a rock. It’s a seed.” 

Robbie stood as straight as a board. “Oh!” He barked. “A seed for what?” He cursed himself internally. Why was he being so loud?

The man rolled it around in his fingers some more. “It’s a tulip bulb. It must have rolled from my cart over here. Thank you for finding it for me, Robbie.”

“Robbie? But I don’t know your name.”

The man gave him a puzzled expression before smiling in a wide way that made Robbie’s heart warm instantly. “I’m Leif! I’m the gardener. And you’re Robbie, the…”

Robbie studied him. “Robbie… the...” All his disguises he’d had to pass to get his outfit this morning went through his mind as he tried to settle on the perfect costume to woo this handsome stranger. What would be the right identity to impress him… firefighter? No, he’d never believe that. Trash man? Not impressive at all. Banana? Definitely not. But that was all the costumes he’d passed this morning except his own devilishly handsome self.

“Inventor and engineer,” he stuck his hand out with surprising confidence. He _was_ an inventor and engineer, he was just those things on a strictly secondary basis to his first love: being a lazy, rotten, villain. He’d test the waters with Leif a little more before he laid down the “town villain” thing.

“Really?” Leif looked amused. “I thought you might be something cooler, like the town villain.”

Robbie visibly tensed.

“Only joking, Robbie,” Leif winked. 

Winked? That was confusing. This whole darn thing was confusing. “I’m gonna- I gotta- uh- bye!” Robbie walked uncharacteristically straightly (and quickly) away.

When he had gone a meter or two he looked back to Leif to assess how much damage he’d done while walking away. Leif was smiling and shaking his head in a pleasant and knowing way that really REALLY confused him. 

“Robbie, I’ll be gardening at the mayor’s house today. I’d love to see you!”

He hurried a little more and hoped his face wasn’t too red.

\--

Sportacus laughed to himself as he emptied the rest of his watering can and made his way to the Mayor’s house, hoping that it was late enough in the morning that he wouldn’t be waking anyone up. 

Sportacus thought for sure Robbie was going to laugh at him for wearing an outfit besides his normal one, but instead Robbie was going to play along! Robbie was such a fun, goofy, silly guy. He seemed really flustered when Sportacus had brought their actual occupations into it, so he’d have to really stay “in character”. It would be interesting to see what disguise Robbie would come up with for his engineer/inventor persona. 

With his hands on hips, Sportacus looked over the mayor’s yard and tried to envision what it would look like when he was finished. He was armed with bulbs, seeds, and some small plants just beginning to bloom. It was going to be brilliantly pink, but some yellow too. Sportacus figured he should throw in some of the mayor’s favorite color, since he was the one who asked for the garden. He was thinking he could use a lot of tulips; their hardiness would be great for withstanding the mayor’s many mishaps. 

As he finished his walk around the house, he found that a drowsy looking Trixie was at his cart. “Hello Trixie!” He called out. “You’re the first one here!”

“I was already up so I’m here.”

Sportacus looked at her doubtfully, but didn’t want to press her any further. “Well, since you are here so early, would you like to help me with the design?” 

“Will you tell me more about plants?” 

Sportacus stroked at a beard he hadn’t had in years. “Of course!” He tossed Trixie a bulb. “Do you know what this is?”

“It’s a bulb! Flowers grow from it!”

“Right! And do you know where bulbs come from?”

“From inside the flower?” 

“They actually come from the roots of a parent flower.”

Trixie turned the thing over in her hands. “How does it cross-pollinate if it’s in the dirt?”

Sportacus smiled. It was such a critical thinking level question. And cross-pollination? That seemed a little advanced. She was far smarter than she let on around the other kids. “It doesn't! Bulbs are clones of their parents. They have the exact same DNA.”

“Wow! Awesome!” She smiled. “How come they look different then?”

Sportacus slung a bag of soil over his shoulder. “Well, they come from different parts of the root so they don’t grow exactly the same.” He dropped the soil down next to the garden. “Would you like to help me pick out some of these weeds?” 

“Sure!” Trixie pulled some gloves out of her back pocket and got down next to Sportacus in the grass. The two pulled silently for a while, then Trixie asked about a bug she had found, and they talked about their favorite kinds of bugs for a long while, much longer than anyone would expect either of them to talk about bugs. Then somehow fish became the new topic of conversation, at which point they were also spreading the soil around.

“Trixie, I’ve really enjoyed talking to you,” Sportacus said honestly. “You know a lot about a lot of things.”

“Yeah yeah, just don’t tell anyone okay? I got a reputation to protect.”

“A reputation?” Sportacus kept himself from laughing. Trixie was obviously very sensitive about this. “A reputation for what?”

“I don’t know, being cool and tough and _not_ a nerd.”

“Trixie.” Sportacus stopped spreading dirt and took of his gloves to put a hand on her shoulder. “Your friends will still like you if you know things. Friends support each other’s interests!”

“No, I’m annoying when I talk about that stuff.”

Sportacus could feel his heart breaking thinking of someone telling this little girl that her interests and knowledge were annoying. Did her parent tell her that? “It’s not annoying,” he said in a far less patient tone than he would let himself adopt without his Leif persona. He took a small breath and went back to spread the dirt in front of them. “I liked talking to you and I feel like I know you better now. Your friends will feel the same way.”

Stephanie cleared her throat at the two, who both looked up at her with their hands wrist deep in dirt. 

“I came out to say hi but you two won’t stop talking! So hello!” She smiled at them, leaning against her front door.

“Stephanie!” Trixie got up so quickly she accidentally left her gloves still sticking in the dirt. “It’s rude to eavesdrop!”

“Don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone. I learned a lot about fish just listening to you two. I like jellyfish the most.”

Trixie looked red as she adjusted her pigtails. “Jellyfish are pretty cool. I like that they don’t have brains.”

“I like that too. But I would also like them if they had brains though.”

Trixie smiled and Sportacus tried to focus on the plot of land in front of him. Today was starting off well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're wondering where this oddly specific Trixie characterization is coming from, check out the old official lazytown website that got taken down a long time ago. It has some great insight into all the characters, especially Trixie :^)
> 
> https://web.archive.org/web/20060821162155/http://www.lazytown.com:80/about/property/trixie
> 
> Additionally! Special thanks to @spidercycle on twitter for catching some typos for me!


	3. Chapter 3

Robbie watched as the two girls Stephanie and Trixie went inside and watched as Leif began pacing through the fresh dirt he had just spread. Leif seemed deep in his gardening plans, which was probably why he hadn’t noticed Robbie staring at him from behind a tree. Wracked with indecision, Robbie’s face twitched in a thousand different ways.

Robbie couldn’t just walk up to Leif and start talking, could he? He definitely couldn’t just stand there and wait to be spotted either. Being spotted watching him for a second time would be a total nightmare. He wanted so badly to give up and go home. 

And yet, he had gotten this far and there was so seldom an opportunity like this. Handsome and (hopefully) eligible bachelors weren’t common in this isolated town of nine. The last time it happened was that Chef Stinktastico. Robbie’s face curled into a frown thinking about him. Robbie had to deal with watching him and Sportacus being disgustingly healthy and loud and so… so _together_. He felt something in his gut twist thinking about their stupid candlelit dinner dates. 

This time, Sportacus could be the jealous one. Jealous of Robbie that is, not jealous of Leif. That didn’t make any sense. He’d show Sportacus he didn’t get dibs on all the men who wandered through town.

“Hi, Robbie!”

Robbie ducked and stood up straightly again, adjusting his jacket ceremoniously. “I meant to do that,” he mumbled. He was wearing his blue bomber jacket, which usually stayed put with his repairman disguise. But with the belt gone, Bob Wire was one of Robbie's most casual outfits.

“Are you here to help?” Leif asked, smiling in a way that turned the sides of his curly little mustache up and made Robbie feel just so darn appreciated.

“Something like that,” Robbie mumbled. “I don't usually do this physical labor stuff.”

“It's fun and rewarding. But you don't have to if you don't want to. Your companionship is enough help.” 

Robbie looked away from what felt like a human incarnation of sunshine. No wonder Leif was a gardener; his plants could probably survive off just his warmth. 

“Just. Give me something easy.”

Leif smiled again and got down in the dirt. “Toss me those bulbs on the cart when I ask for a new one.” He turned back to Robbie. “Bulb, please.”

Robbie did as instructed and tossed the bulb to him, well what he thought was near him, but Leif had to lung to catch it, getting dirt all over his clothing in the process.

“Sorry! Sorry!” Robbie clutched his hands over his mouth.

Leif just laughed, brushed himself off a bit, and went on with his gardening. “It’s okay. I like a challenge.”

Robbie leaned against the cart, digging through the bulbs spread out on the top of it. He cursed himself for his lack of athletic ability for once in his life. Sportacus would have thrown it perfectly and shown Robbie up. It was a good thing for Robbie, that Sportacus had been rather absent the last two days. Otherwise he probably would swoop in and take Leif for himself. 

“Leif… I was wondering… Have you met Sportacus yet?”

Lelf looked up at him, in a peculiar way, as if he was trying to keep from laughing. “Sportacus?”

“You know, the blue guy, flippity flips, ten on his back.”

“Ah, Sportacus.” Leif stood up. “I met him. He seems fine, but…”

Robbie perked up, reading the humored tone in Leif’s voice, “but what?”

“He’s a bit of a goody two shoes isn’t he?”

“Yes! That’s what I’ve been saying!” Robbie hopped up in excitement. 

Leif was still wearing his smile, but it was a bit mischievous. “To be honest, I prefer bad boys.” 

“Bad boys?” 

Leif patted down the first bulb and stood. “You know, like bad guys, _villains_.”

He was so close. “Villains?” Robbie choked out. “You- You _like_ bad guys?”

“That’s what I said.” 

Leif’s face was so close. Robbie wanted to close the gap between them. He was staring at his lips, trying to will himself forward.

“Bulb?” Leif asked, sticking a hand out between them.

Robbie scrambled his hand to the cart and placed a bulb in Leif’s open hand, but as he pulled away he felt Leif’s fingers wrapped around his. He was as stiff as a board while Leif held his hand firmly but gently.

The moment passed, and Leif let go and went back to the dirt. “Sorry about that. Sorry, it was too much.”

“It’s okay,” Robbie said quickly. ‘I’m just an awkward mess of a person who doesn’t know how to respond to flirting’ he wanted to say, but didn’t. Leif had been laying it on thick, right up in his face, but Robbie was so caught up trying to determine how Leif knew of his true profession to move. Maybe too caught up in actual human intimacy, or stuck on how something about the way Leif was felt so familiar and almost… just right?

Robbie was watching Leif work, Leif who seemed silent in his embarrassment when it was Robbie who should be the one embarrassed. Well, Robbie was embarrassed, which was quickly morphing into anger and confusion, which seemed to be the end point of all of his more puzzling emotions. 

No, Robbie pinched the bridge of his nose, even if he had to fight his terrible emotional habits, he wasn’t going to give up on Leif yet. He was going to small talk him until they forgot how awkward they were being. “So how long until these bloom?” He examined a bulb before trying to hand it to Leif.

Leif looked up at Robbie, “Well…” he looked back down at work, “normally they sit under the ground from fall to winter and come out in the spring, but”

“But it’s nearly Spring now”

“Yeah I… I know a little trick to get them to bloom whenever you want them too”

“Oh?”

“Yeah well. I’m not really sure if I should do it or not. I might just let them sitting in the soil for the whole season.”

“What? That’s a terrible idea. Why don’t you just use your trick?”

“Uh, It’s kind of like… cheating… I don’t know if it sends the right message to the kids if I make them grow right away without doing the right work.”

“So what! You’re not their Dad. You’re a gardener. Of course you should do anything you can to make the flowers bloom.”

Leif seemed to consider this point for a while, as he dug. “I am just a gardener. You’re right. Thank you for the advice, Robbie.”

“Whatever,” Robbie shrugged. 

Robbie and Leif both turned as they heard someone approaching. Sounded like tiny footsteps to Robbie, which meant kids, which meant kids talking to him, and talking to Leif about him. Not in Robbie’s master plan.

“Um! Gotta go bye!” Robbie started speed walking away from the house.

“Thank you for your help! Can I see you soon?” Robbie heard Leif call after him. 

“Yes, soon” Robbie said without turning.

\---

Sportacus found himself barely able to focus on his time with the kids. He had Ziggy spread the phlox seeds in the remaining parts of the garden and instructed Pixel and Stephanie on how to properly construct a secure fence. They hung on every word and soon enough were able to get into the rhythm of setting each post by themselves. Stingy didn’t want to get paint or dirt on his clothes so he opted to stay inside with the mayor, where they made a healthy lunch for the town to share. Sportacus watched with pride as his happy team busied themselves with their assigned tasks and felt as that warm fuzzy feeling from the day previous return. But the small part of his mind that told him “you are tricking them, you are lying, you are cheating” was getting louder. In his experience, the best remedy for getting rid of that tiny voice in his head was always exercise until he couldn’t think any longer. With that realization he quietly made a retreat to his blimp and set out to silence that self doubt plaguing his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's so short and it's been a bit. Spent a lot of time researching plants and gardening when I probably didn't need to. Plus it took me a bit to figure out plot but the fourth chapter is actually nearly done now :p


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Got a lot of support after the last chapter which I really appreciated and helped motivated me to get this chapter finished and edited quickly. Special thanks to ao3/tumblr-user melilossa. I appreciate you!

Sportacus stood on the lowered platform of his ship and looked for signs of wakefulness, but even the air was still. He turned his attention to the forever of the sky above and surrounding him. The night was dangerous. Dangerous for his daylight-built eyes; dangerous for how he blank he felt when no one was around to draw reference from. The chill reddened his ears and made the hair on his bare arms raise. Sportacus gripped the pole of his platform tighter, seeking support in this sensory deprivation tank of a night.

\-- 

He was in the garden, hands in the dirt, listening to the seeds and bulbs, trying to tune out the sound of the electronic whirring coming from the adjacent house.

 _Grow_. He urged the seeds on. _Just enough to poke through the dirt. You can do it._

He could feel them listening to him, borrowing some of his light, cracking open their coats, stretching their roots, extending their pedicels.

It was so familiar, so comforting, using his magic for the first time since he was a much younger elf. He felt so wonderful and connected and warm. Sportacus held on to the feeling, letting it grow. He was becoming hazy, losing what little vision he had from the dull window lights until it was just himself and the plants in the inky black.

He found himself in a memory he had buried. Fall with his mother: harvesting, stuffing all the grapes his small hands could reach into a wicker basket, squishing the fruit beneath their feet, until they were both stained red up to their knees and overwhelmingly happy. She was so radiant, such a positive wonderful force. It felt natural to go back to her memory, an attempt by his subconscious to be as nurturing and powerful as she had been back during that harvest. That was the fall before he lost her. Suddenly, he felt the desperation which marked his magic in the years after her death. Every seed had been a precious lifeline, given that he could force it to grow in such poor soil and protect it long enough to bear something edible.

The pounding of his heart broke him out of his memories and he ripped his hands from the soil. The plants were growing still, their shoots poking forth, sprouting in the space between in his fingers.

“Slow down!” He tried to order them, but they kept inching upwards. He got up, and bounced between his feet, getting down and back up, trying to figure out what to do.

This wasn’t right. They were only supposed to get them out of germination so they would grow throughout the season. He didn’t want them to be fully blooming tomorrow. That was definitely cheating. The kids were going to realize he was a sham and kick him out. But he didn’t know how to stop this. His repertoire of elf magic didn’t include how to stop something from growing. He wasn’t smart enough to figure something out. But maybe someone was.

-

“What? Who is it?” Robbie’s voice echoed from his lair.

“It’s me, Robbie. I need help.”

Robbie opened the hatch and gave him a confused look. “Oh. Leif. What uh- What are you doing here?”

Sportacus frowned, not in the mood for this game. “I cheated and made the plants grow and now they won’t stop growing and I don’t know what to do-”

“What? Slow down. How did you make the plants grow?”

“Magic.” Sportacus asked, confused as to why Robbie would ask such an obvious question.

“Magic?” Robbie repeated back.

“Yes, Robbie. Don’t act surprised, you know I’m an elf.”

“You’re- You’re a what?” Robbie’s volume rose. “I’ve only just met you. How could I know that?” he trailed off “Is this a dream?” Robbie squeezed the skin on his arm and let out a shout.

Sportacus almost felt better seeing Robbie being his silly self. He stifled a laugh. “This is serious… I want you to invent something to stop the plants from growing. Could you do that for me?”

“Okay, okay. I think I have something that’ll work. Do you want to come in?” 

Sportacus smiled a little. “Yes, thank you.”

\--

Robbie’s lair was as Sportacus remembered it. Lots of blinking colored lights which illuminated things in a variety of blues, oranges, and reds. At this moment, it was becoming increasingly cluttered as Robbie hauled invented, half-invented, or yet to be invented mechanical components out into the open. Sportacus paced around the quickly shrinking space that was clear of clutter.

“Aha!” Robbie held up from his supply closet. “Remote control!”

“Remote control?”

“Yes, I can pause the plants. Or maybe put them in slow motion. We’ll figure something out.”

Sportacus waded through the junk and grabbed Robbie’s hand. “Great, let’s do it!” He said, as he dragged Robbie towards the exit hatch.

\--

Sportacus tried to slow his pace for Robbie, as he pulled him through the town, but his nerves had him going a little faster than Robbie normally travelled.

“So you’re an elf, huh?” 

“Yes. I figured you knew.”

“No, no. That’s interesting though. I guess it explains why you’re so perfect.”

Sportacus scoffed. “I’m not perfect at all. I messed this thing up.” He indicated to the garden which they had just arrived at. “How bad is it?”

“Why do I have to say it? Can’t you see it yourself?”

“No. Elves can’t see in the dark.”

“Interesting…” 

Sportacus could hear the scheming in his voice, but chose not to address it. Robbie would probably cook up some wicked new plots with that bit of information. Probably really fun challenging schemes. He brought himself back to the situation at hand. “So, how is it?”

“Well. They’re definitely plants and they’re definitely there.”

“Do you see any buds?”

“The flowery bit? Yeah there’s lots of those.”

Sportacus made a frustrated noise and held onto Robbie’s shoulder. “Do something please.”

“Okay, okay.” Robbie clicked the remote on. “I don’t know why you’re so upset. These plants look good. You did a great job.”

“Thank you for saying that but I… I did a pretty bad job. I just wanted to make them grow a little and I got carried away with this silly Leif thing and I forgot that I’m supposed to be the town hero.”

Robbie stayed silent for a moment. “You what?”

“I just got so caught up in how much the kids like me as Leif and how fun it was to garden and flirt with you and be normal… I just…” Sportacus bite at his lip, “I just wanted to be Leif and forget about being Sportacus.” 

“Forget about… being?” Robbie was speaking haltingly, trying to process the information he was receiving.

“Wait you… you do know that Leif is just me without my Sportacus uniform right?”

“...yes?”

“Robbie?! Robbie, you’re the Master of Disguise! How could you not know it’s me?” Sportacus’s hushed tone was marked with disbelieve.

“Don’t get mad at me! Why would you think that? I wouldn’t have done any of that stuff if I realized you were Sportacus! Why did you think I was acting so different?”

“I thought we were playing a game! Like one of your fun roleplays!”

“What?! those aren’t fun! Those are plots!”

“I don’t know! I always have fun!”

“They’re not fun! They’re to kick you out of town!”

“Come on, I know you have fun too. You’re always flirting with me. The detective? The circus master? The purple knight? The pirate?”

“How on earth was Rottenbeard flirting?”

“So you admit the others were flirting!”

Robbie aimed the remote at Sportacus and hit pause. He just needed time to process all of what Sportacus was saying. He took a moment to breath before pausing the plants as well. The plants seemed to be still.

Robbie looked over Lei- Sportacus’s form. He felt so stupid. How was he supposed to know that Sportacus was a blonde under his hat? And how was he supposed to recognize him with his stupid mustache curled up like that? He wasn’t even wearing any blue. No brand recognition whatsoever. 

He probably should have recognized his stupid big muscles and his soft voice. But still. He was going to keep being mad at Sportacus for this. He inched backwards, and further backwards, until he was a meter or two away hiding behind a tree, and when he was sure he was out of sight, he reached around the tree and unpaused Sportacus.

Sportacus felt a little dazed. “What, you aren’t even going to answer?” He asked.

Robbie realized then that Sportacus was functionally blind and he just totally walked away in the middle of talking to him, making him the biggest jerk in the world. “I paused you and walked away because I’m mad at you!” He shouted over to Sportacus. 

Sportacus jumped in surprise. “Robbie! The plants!”

“I already paused them.” 

Sportacus stood silently for a moment. “I’m sorry,” he said softly. “Can I come over and apologize?”

Robbie looked at him standing alone in front of the house, “Do it from there.”

“I’m going to wake someone up. Robbie, please.”

“...Fine.”

Robbie clutched the tree trunk tighter as he watched Sportacus’s jogging approach. It was a good thing he didn’t try to flip over. Robbie would have definitely left if Sportacus did something that absurd.

Sportacus got to the tree Robbie was hiding behind and stopped on the opposite side as Robbie. “I’m sorry that I was dishonest. I’m mad at myself too.”

“No, It’s not that you lied. I’ll get over that. I’m mad that you pretended to flirt with me. That’s a terrible thing to do to someone.” His voice lacked his normal dramatic over-enunciation. It was even and quiet and it terrified Sportacus.

“Robbie- oh no wait- I- I wasn’t pretended to flirt with you.” Sportacus answered.

Robbie was silent.

“I would never ever do that to you. I really like you.”

“You don't flirt with me except as Leif. What am I supposed to make of that?”

Sportacus laid his hands on the thick bark between them. “Not wearing my uniform... It makes me feel like I can say whatever I want. Don’t you ever feel more confident in your disguises?”

Robbie thought then replied, “Well, yes.”

“I would never make fun of you Robbie. I mean it. I need you to understand that. I admit I was pretty over the top with my flirting but I need you to understand I would never do that to you. I thought I was just being a character like you do, just being someone who could flirt and have fun. I’m so sorry you thought I was making fun.”

Robbie turned around, peeking out from the base of the tree. “So… you actually like me and you’re just secretly the cheesiest, forward-est little elf in the world?”

Sportacus laughed a little. “Hey, that’s mean. But yes. I am all those things, and I really definitely like you. Me, Sportacus. It was wrong to hide behind Leif. I think it’s time for Leif to leave town.”

Robbie perked up. “What?”

“I don’t want to keep tricking people like this. Leif is leaving town right now.”

“No, he’s not.” Robbie emerged from behind the tree and faced Sportacus directly. 

Sportacus shot a confused look in the direction of his voice, “What?”

“It’s good for you to have an outlet like this where you can relax a little.”

“But-”

“ _Healthy_ even. It’s just some harmless fun.”

“But if the kids find out-”

“They won’t. And Leif has another job to do.”

“Huh?”

“Yeah, I think my billboard is in some dire need of a garden.”

Sportacus’s mouth stretched into a smile, effectively making up his mind for him.

“And you don’t have to use magic this time… we can go to the town over and pick up already grown plants and put them in the ground.”

Sportacus reached out to Robbie and pulled him into a hug. “Thank you.”

Robbie tousled his hair awkwardly. “Yeah, yeah. Now go home and get some sleep you dumb elf. We’ve got a shopping date tomorrow.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sportarobbie goes the the Home Depot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took forever to post. I had to do some serious planning to make all the remaining parts come together. (Plus, I was having a hard time writing about their date so I had to physically go to a Home Depot to get unstuck...) It's looking like two or three more chapters (included 1 smut chapter because I have a brand to maintain)

“Sportacus! Look at how amazing our garden is!!!”

Sportacus stopped his flipping and faced Stephanie and her garden. “It looks beautiful, Stephanie!” 

It really did. The tulips were proudly reaching for the sun, the phlox were adorably pink and petite. The pause seemed to stop their growth but didn’t stop their movement, as they were steadily swaying in the breeze, nor did it stop them from opening their tiny blossoms for the sun. Sportacus wondered if Robbie had done any tinkering to make it work like that. 

“Can you believe how fast they grew?” Stephanie asked. “I’m so happy,” she petted one of the tulips soft petals.

Sportacus pinched his lips tighter for a moment. “Leif must be a very good gardener.”

“Sportacus,” Robbie greeted him with a neutral yet cordial tone.

“Good morning, Robbie! Great to see you up.”

“Well, I have plans with an early riser,” he revealed with a very subtle smile and lift in his voice.

Stephanie butted in. “What’s going on here? You’re up so early and you’re being so normal to Sportacus. What’s your plan?”

Robbie laughed a little laugh, not his usually explosive mean spirited laughter, just a pleasant sort of laugh. “No plan, Pinkie,” he said. ‘Pinkie’ usually sounded like a forgetful insult, but it was currently coming off more like an affectionate nickname. “Well, no evil scheme at least,” he continued, “If you _must_ know, I have a date.”

“Really?” Sportacus asked, trying to smile as normally as he could. “That’s very nice, Robbie.”

“With who?” Stephanie spat out, disbelief making her sound more malicious than she intended.

“Leif,” Robbie said, the absolute image of prideful with his arms crossed high and his head turned up.

“Leif? Our Leif?”

Sportacus laughed to himself. “I think they’re a good match.”

Robbie smiled at Sportacus, his big toothy smile which was usually reserved for really really excellent cake. “Thank you Sportacus, I’ll be napping in the center of town, so _try_ to keep it down.” He winked at Sportacus before sauntering away, swaying his hips in his characteristic sashay. 

Stephanie watched him go, and Sportacus could see wheels turning in her head. She turned to Sportacus. “I didn’t know Robbie was gay.”

Sportacus couldn’t help but laugh. “I might have had a feeling.”

Stephanie looked at Sportacus again for a second before speaking, processing, “but you’re gay.”

Sportacus really laughed this time. “How do you know that?”

“You and Chef Pablo dated, I didn’t think it was a secret.”

“Well, yes, we did.”

“I thought that if Robbie was gay you’d be dating him.”

Sportacus coughed a little into his hand. “Stephanie, gay people don’t just date because they’re both gay.”

“I know that! I’m talking about your crush on Robbie.”

“My what?” Sportacus blinked hard several times in succession. “I don’t have a crush on Robbie.”

“Oh, please! Yes you do!”

Sportacus got down on his knee so he was on her level. “Okay. Maybe I have a bit of crush on Robbie. Is it that obvious?”

Stephanie smiled. “Yes, it is.” 

She was like that, she loved figuring stuff out. She was already so smart and perceptive. Sportacus looked forward to see how she used her wits as she aged. He was pretty sure that she would be the queen of her high school.

Sportacus laughed at himself a little. “I’m not very good at hiding my feelings. Does anyone else know?”

“I don’t know. I’m not into gossip.” She shrugged her small shoulders. “Why are you so okay with Robbie going on a date with someone else?”

Sportacus thought for a moment, this was not an obstacle he had anticipated encountering because of his little double life. “Well…” he started. “Robbie’s up early and smiling and being very nice. I’m happy to see him dating, even if it isn’t with me.”

“Aren’t you jealous?”

“Yes, a little.” 

Of course, he wasn’t really, but he thought Stephanie should hear about how jealousy is natural as long as you manage it. “But Robbie deserves to be happy. Even if it’s not with me.” Sportacus felt a little physically pained to say this. The possibility of not dating Robbie was… watching him date someone else… it made him feel a little bad for his fling with Pablo. 

“What if he’s just dating Leif to make you jealous?” She started speaking quickly. “What if you not caring is ruining your chance with Robbie?”

“Where is this coming from?” Sportacus asked. What a scenario for Stephanie to imagine! “Even if Robbie was doing that, I wouldn’t try to end a healthy relationship.”

“Yeah… I guess not…” she kicked her feet in the dirt, “I still think you aren’t taking this seriously enough.”

“I appreciate your concern and your advice. You are a good friend for worrying about me.” Sportacus put a hand on her shoulder. “But I’ll be okay.”

“Okay. Just don’t give up on your chances with Robbie yet.”

“Will do,” he nodded and winked before he headed off towards his airship.

\--

Sportacus had never been to a hardware store. 

This was highly shocking to Robbie, since the man lived alone in a giant flying blimp. But, it was true. Sportacus’s ship was highly-automated and didn’t require much maintenance. When it did, it would quietly send out an order to some faraway store for the exact correct part and would instruct Sportacus how to perform the maintenance as soon as the package arrived. 

Robbie also noted that Sportacus was very proficient at building tree houses, but he explained that this was from his childhood and it wasn’t a skill he had ever thought to pursue as an adult. Robbie was very confused by the whole thing. 

The store was big. Way bigger than Sportacus had expected. He thought he could fit his entire blimp between the orange iron that made him feel like he was not in a room but in a giant mechanical box. “It’s big in here.” He said simply. 

“That’s why they call it a super store.” Robbie put his hands in his pockets, which much lower on his hips than normal. Instead of his normal high-waisted look, Robbie opted for a pair of khakis and a light purple pinstripe button down. Pretty simple and boring for the likes of Robbie Rotten, but he had his pants cuffed and some bright orange socks made him stand out from all the dads in plaid shirts and cargo pants. It was simple and classy and Sportacus found it insanely hot.

“Eyes up here, Sportadaze…” Robbie mumbled, rolling his eyes.

Sportacus ran a hand through his hair. “Sorry, Robbie, I was just thinking about how no one else in here is as pretty as you are.”

“Tch, pfft, whatever!” Robbie smiled. “Let’s get a move on!” He faced away from Sportacus as he offered him a hand to hold. 

Sportacus took the hand quickly and they set off to walking, both trying not to smile to big. Sportacus wished he could strum up some of that flirtatious courage he’d been cultivating as Leif. He was even still dressed in his Leif get-up, but Robbie knew it was him and they were just two weird men on a weird first date at Home Depot. 

Sportacus busied himself with studying the store. It was just a giant box of parallel and perpendicular aisles, but he felt as if he would get lost in them if Robbie let go of his hand. As they hiked down the large center aisle, Sportacus tried to take in all of the pipes, lights, panels, bolts, and who-knows-whats they were passing. “Do you come here a lot?” Sportacus asked.

“Yeah. I usually mail order my supplies because, you know, lazy, but sometimes I like to come to the store to get inspired.”

Sportacus could certainly see how the place was inspiring. 

The smell of soil was starting to overpower the powerful synthetic smells. Down the fluorescent aisle, past stacks of plastic lawn furniture, on the other side some grimey looking double doors, there was a big great sea of green. As the doors opened themselves before him, Sportacus realized that the outside section was nearly as big as the inside. There were plants everywhere; plants stacked on the foliage littered cemented ground, plants on metal meshes held up with cinder blocks, plants hanging from pillars, hanging from archways, strung through narrower and narrower spaces. Unlike the indoor section, the tall shelves were not contained by a ceiling, making him feel like he was an ant in a giant maze.

Sportacus squeezed Robbie’s hand a little tighter and dragged Robbie down an aisle with him, narrowly avoiding some precariously stacked bird houses at the corner. He pointed out a few of the flowers he knew to Robbie, and questioned him about the others until Robbie showed him the pots all contained little paper stands with the name of the plant along with caretaking tips. 

Sportacus pointed out flower after flower and Robbie listened, nodded politely. Despite Sportacus’s enthusiasm, he didn’t really care about flowers or nature or any of that. He thought the prettiest thing in that flower shop was the wondrous look Sportacus was giving the flowers. But he found that Sportacus’s enthusiasm was contiguous; Robbie was starting to appreciate the flowers through him. Sportacus was pointing out all the purple and orange flowers, because those were Robbie’s favorite colors, and Robbie found it charming.

“I sorta like these ones.” Robbie pointed at some soft purple flowers before Sportacus had pointed them out.

Sportacus turned to look. “Oh yes! Those are impatiens.”

“Impatiences? I can relate to these little guys. I don’t like to wait either.”

“They’re called that because their seeds are very sensitive. They burst open at even light touches. Like they’re impatient to grow.”

Robbie laughed. “That’s cute. I really relate to these sensitive little guys. If only they were lankier; they’d be little Robbies through and through.”

“It’s unusual. They can grow taller if you plant them close together. My mother always said they thrive when they’re close to their friends.”

Robbie felt a smile twitching onto his face. “I love them.” 

He looked at Sportacus, who was smiling up at him as well. Sportacus stepped slightly closer to Robbie, giving him an even more playful smile.

Robbie nudged his shoulder. “You want me to grow even taller? You won’t be able to see my face.”

“If that’s the price I have to pay for being close to you, than I’ll just have to start carrying around a ladder.”

“Shut up, you’re so cheesy.” Robbie turned away from him; the sweetness of the statement was making him blush. “Let’s get them…”

Sportacus clapped. “Fantastic! They come in orange and purple too. They’re perfect… I want to get something taller for the center of your garden… I have a lot of ideas that are bulbs plants but I don’t want to deal with… cheating… again. Maybe shrubs?”

“Maybe they sell some that have already been planted and are growing for a bit? Let’s just keep looking around.”

Sportacus insisted on walking down all the aisle and examining all the plants. There were a lot that he considered unusual and hadn’t seen before. He thought each of them was absolutely lovely, fascinating, delightful, but none of them were really standing out to him until they were solidly in the “shrubs” section, which Robbie insisted was way too boring for his billboard. Then, between the deciduous branches, Sportacus saw a bright orange bloom. 

“Oh, what lovely daylilies.”

Robbie had to agree that they were lovely. “They’re so big and loud. They’d look good with our impatiens right?”

“Sure they would, but daylily blooms only last about a day.”

“So? All flowers die. Let’s get one that still has a lot of buds and call it a day.”

“Good enough for me!” Sportacus puts a few pots in the cart Robbie had procured for the impatients. “So we’re all done now?”

Robbie nodded. “Yep, let’s get out of here.” He turned towards the door back inside. “Wait.” Robbie hurried over to an aisle Sportacus didn’t get a good view of. 

Intrigued, Sportacus followed him. Robbie was digging through a shelf with his back turned to Sportacus, Sportacus peaked around him, but Robbie was already spinning around and holding his prize for Sportacus to see.

“Pants?” Sportacus asked, voice lifting in amusement.

“Yes, pants. Pants for you.”

Sportacus waved his hands in protest. “I have pants!”

“You have one part of too small pants that you have been wearing everyday for a week. I love what they do for your butt, of course… but... I know that any day now they’re going to rip clean in half and you’re going to make me fix them. Let me buy you a second pair so I don’t have to smell you from a mile away.”

Sportacus took them in his hands, turning them over. “Is this the right size?”

“Yes, of course they are. Don’t you know your own pants size?”

“No, but apparently you do.”

“Yeah well…” He looked away. “I’ve stolen your costume enough and I have a good brain for that stuff. Measurements. I am the best tailor in town.”

“Okay Robbie.” Sportacus looked around at the rest of the clothing. Running his hand through some shirts.

“Oh no, the clothing here is terrible. I can’t go buying you a whole outfit.”

“I wouldn’t ask you to do that!” Sportacus assured him, starting to walk away, but his hand and attention lingered on the sleeve of an atrocious flannel.

Robbie scowled. “No, no. I can’t buy this for you. It’s ugly and will cover your muscles. I won’t.”

“Robbie, it’s okay. I’m not asking for anything.”

Robbie looked at the state of Sportacus’s white tank top, which had been worn as much as those too-tight brown pants. He thought about the chill that was tainting the air in the early mornings. He thought about his deepest darkest winter-time fantasy, where he made Sportacus a blue knit sweater with a big S in the front and he never had to get the second-hand shiver that he got every time he saw those big bare arms out in the snow.

He put the shirt in the cart, and threw in a pack of white tank tops, and some tube socks. “Don’t say a word.” He told Sportacus when he noticed. 

Sportacus was visibly resisting his urge to refuse, or to let out a very grateful litany of praise. He settled himself and choose his words. “Thank you. You have done a lot today.”

“I have haven’t I? I’m buying you an outfit, and I picked out the flowers, and I’m paying for the whole ordeal. I really did all the work didn’t I?” Robbie smiled as he plopped himself precariously on the front end of their cart. “Now I’m tired from all this providing.”

Sportacus pushed the cart forward a little, jostling Robbie, but Robbie clenched his hands on the sides of the cart. He laughed and then tried to give Sportacus a stern face, “you ungrateful little elf!”

Sportacus jolted the cart forward again, “ungrateful? I’m giving you a free ride.” He grabbed onto the handles of the cart and hopped onto the bar.

Robbie clenched the sides of the cart tighter. “What do you mean?”

With one leg on the cart and one on the ground, Sportacus kicked the cart forward as if it was a giant scooter, pushing them down the center aisle. As they gained velocity, they only barely triggered the sliding doors to open in time, and Robbie despite himself, was giggling like mad.

“Sportacus! We’re in public with _real_ adults!” He kept giggling and Sportacus kept on propelling them forward. “Stopstopstop we’re gonna pass the register!” 

Sportacus skid to a stop, Robbie hopped off and made his wobbly legs over to Sportacus, who was about eye level now that he was standing on the lower bar of the cart.

Robbie got in real close “I’m gonna make you pay for that” he said, trying to sound serious, but he couldn’t stop smiling, especially not with Sportacus’s dopey smile was turning up his dumb curly mustache.

“Oh really?” Sportacus asked. “Are you gonna put me in jail again?” 

“Maybe I will, guilty boy,” Robbie crossed his arms. “I don’t know if the children could take seeing another town favorite being locked away. Maybe I’ll deal with you privately.”

Sportacus raised his eyebrows. “I’m interested.”

Robbie was still very close to Sportacus’s face, and he was starting to feel people watching them. Robbie’s nose twitched to and fro as he assessed how much he could stand embarrassing himself in a place he frequented, and if he would be alright with never coming back.

Robbie closed the gap between, them giving Sportacus a small kiss on the cheek. It was much too small actually, and he bumped into Sportacus’s curled mustache awkwardly.

He pulled back, displeased and self-conscious over wasting his bold move on a tiny kiss on the cheek, wasting the first time he kissed Sportacus with something unsatisfying like that. He stomped down the checkout aisle, leaving Sportacus to awkwardly push the cart after him.

\--

“Something is really weird, Trixie,” Stephanie said propping her feet up onto the wall as she laid on the floor of her room.

“You mean with the garden?” Trixie said without looking up from the book she was flipping through.

“I guess? I saw Robbie this morning and he was acting _really_ weird.”

“He’s always weird.”

“He was being _nice_ , to _Sportacus_.”

“That is really weird...”

“It gets weirder. He told us he has a date with Leif.”

“A date with Leif? I don’t think that’s too weird.”

“Yeah but…” Stephanie thought for a moment trying to choose her words. “Robbie is kinda… not good at first impressions... he’s awkward and he runs away in the middle of conversations and he’s kinda mean and lazy.”

“Some people like mean and lazy. What are you trying to say?”

“I just mean… maybe Leif isn’t really a good guy… maybe he’s more like… a villain.”

Trixie looked up from her book. “I don’t want to say anything until I find something in this book.”

Stephanie tilted her head. She didn’t understand her friend sometimes. But she nodded and paced the room. Trixie normally was a little more secretive about her book reading habits. Stephanie would notice that Trixie would disappear for entire days sometimes after visiting the nearby library. It was nice to see her starting to open up a little. Maybe they could start a book club.

“Here it is!” Trixie said. “I thought so! It’s not the right season for bulbs to be growing. And it takes weeks or months for plants to grow!”

“So Leif is a villian?”

“I don’t know, but he is a liar.”

Stephanie gasped and with one hand she covered her mouth and with the other she grabbed Trixie’s shoulder. “Trixie! What if he’s planning something with Robbie!”

“What if he’s trying to get rid of Sportacus?” Trixie matched the urgency her friend felt.

“We have to stop him!”

\--

Sportacus dropped a bag of potting soil into the ground. “Do you have a shovel? Or should I get one from the ship?”

Robbie moved from the spot he was leaning on his billboard and turned the corner. A moment later he waved a shovel in front of the billboard before stepping out and leaning on it. “I have one. But get your own.”

Sportacus lit up “You’re going to help?” 

“I just don’t want you to screw up my property,” Robbie tried to lean against his shovel in a nonchalant way, but messed up the balance and nearly fell over. He recovered quickly. “I meant to do that.”

Sportacus gave him _that look_ and lifted his hand to the sky. “Shovel!” He commanded, and his airship dutifully dropped what had been requested.

Sportacus explained that they would cut into the grass in the shape they wanted their garden to be. Robbie insisted that he take the lead on deciding what shape the garden should be, positioning and repositioning Sportacus’s shovel every couple of digs, as well as cutting his own lines in the lawn. It didn’t feel natural for Robbie to be jumping on the spokes of the shovel, but he had to admire that using the weight of his body to minimize the force he needed to exert on the shovel was the most efficient, and therefore most _lazy_ way to dig a hole. 

Eventually, they moved on to clearing the space on the inside of their garden boundaries, and Robbie was working up a sweat. He stopped after he realized that the steady sound of Sportacus’s shovel gone silent. Robbie looked up and saw Sportacus looking at him.

“What?”

Sportacus smiled. “Nothing.”

“What is it.” Robbie stuck his shovel in the earth. 

“You. Helping me. Using your muscles. With your sleeves rolled up.”

Robbie felt his face rapidly warming. “If you keep talking like that I’m going to stop.” He waggled his shovel at Sportacus threateningly.

“Okay, okay. I won’t ruin it.” He continued shoveling, smile wide on his face. “You just look very handsome.”

Robbie kicked up the tuff of grass he’d been working on towards Sportacus. “I warned you!”

Sportacus jumped out of the way. “Hey! I’m just telling the truth!”

Robbie bent down and picked up a bunch of dirt. “I swear I will mess up your new shirt if you don’t stop being so nice.”

“The shirt you bought me? I don’t think you could do it.”

Robbie could feel the dare behind his words, thought about clearing the space between them, rubbing dirt all over those clothes he had picked out just for Sportacus, opening the buttons and getting it on his white tank top, maybe ruining it forever. He wanted to kiss him. For real this time. He wanted to kiss him so deeply he wouldn’t need to put how he felt into words.

“Leif!”

There came a voice, bringing Robbie out of his fantasizing. It was Stephanie, but... Did she sound... angry?

“Or should we say Lie-f!” Trixie’s voiced added as the two girls made their way closer to Robbie’s billboard. “Since you’ve been lying to us this whole time!”

Robbie and Sportacus looked at each other and then back at the kids. 

This. Was a problem.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Sorry for the long delay. I've been having struggles with my health for the last couple of months that have resulting in me having to quit an internship, change my major, and change my career path. I'm doing much better now and I've got some sweet sweet smut for y'all.
> 
> !! If you aren't into sex stop reading when they start kissing !!
> 
> There's no more plot in the chapter, just gushy, gushy porn with feelings. It was getting too long to be one chapter anyway, so I'm spliting the resolution into the next chapter.

Sportacus felt as though he'd forgotten how to breath. This was it. He geared himself up to be exposed, hated, kicked out of town. There was no getting out of this one. He just had to leave town and start over. That would work right? It was unfathomably painful but this was fight of flight and he was firmly convinced that flight was the only course of action.

“What are you talking about?” Robbie asked, after he realized Sportacus was deeply contained in his own thoughts.

“The flowers you used must be fake!”

Sportacus breathed out a little. Yes, he could sell that. If they still didn’t know he was Sportacus, he could confess to using fake flowers, uproot the whole garden, and make Leif leave town without involving Sportacus.

“They aren’t fake!” Robbie jeered. “You both helped plant them!”

“Robbie-” Sportacus shot him a look. “They are _fake_ because plants don’t grow that fast.”

“I knew it!” Trixie held up her book triumphantly causing Robbie to flinch a little. “Leif is a bad-guy”

Robbie gave Sportacus a look. Sportacus wasn’t great with identifying what Robbie’s looks meant, but he recognized this one as the 'you are ruining my plan' look, which was a very funny look to be receiving considering Robbie was the one ruining Sportacus’s plan. 

“The flowers weren’t _fake_. I , Robbie Rotten, made them grow faster so I could enjoy them quicker.”

“How did you do that?!” Trixie asked.

“I fast forwarded them with my remote control!” Robbie declared with his arms crossed and his head lifted up proudly.

“That’s cheating.” Stephanie said with a stern look that made Sportacus feel like she was Robbie’s tiny pink mother.

“Yes, well, what did you expect?” Robbie said, resisting the intensity of her motherly stare, “I am the villain, the bad-guy. I don’t like to wait for things.”

Sportacus mouth twitched open and closed as his brain debated whether it would make things worse to outright call Robbie a liar or if he should somehow figure out a way to make Robbie stop talking, stop defending him, stop besmirching his own name for Sportacus's sake.

Robbie ignored Sportacus’s silent battle and continued. “Leif didn’t like that I cheated so we bought some already-grown flowers for my garden. He’s perfectly innocent.”

“So Leif isn’t Lie-f?” Trixie asked.

Stephanie smiled and hugged Leif. “I’m so glad. I didn’t want you to be a cheater.”

Sportacus patted her on the head, still unsure of what to say or do.

“Are you okay, Leif?” She asked pulling away. “Sportacus can come and help you if you’re in trouble.”

Sportacus spoke slowly. “I just need to lie down. Robbie can help me.”

“You want Robbie’s help?”

Sportacus screwed up his face a little, an expression accentuated by his curled mustache sticking out in two different angles. “Yes. Robbie hasn’t done anything wrong.” He spoke in a quiet enough way that the kids didn’t seem to take it as the contradiction to Robbie’s story that Sportacus meant it as. They just nodded and scurried away.

“Sorry that we accused you of cheating, Leif. We should’ve known it was Robbie.”

“Yes, that’s right. Bye-bye kids! Run along home before this rain gets worse,” Robbie shooed them away. 

Sportacus looked around, he hadn’t even been aware that it was raining, but it was already transitioning from drizzle to genuine rain shower.

As the rain got harder still, the girls picked up their pace, jogging and giggling their way back into town and out of sight.

Robbie turned to Sportacus triumphantly. “Well, aren’t you going to thank me?”

“No!” Sportacus turned away from him. “They didn’t say anything about magic, there was no reason for you to take the blame. They thought that Leif used fake flowers but _you_ made yourself a martyr for no reason.”

Robbie rolled his eyes and scoffed very dramatically at the notion that _he_ was the martyr between the two off them. 

Sportacus turned away from Robbie and paced the length of the soon-to-be garden as he spoke, dragging his feet through the mud. “I could have kicked Leif out of town and just gone back to normal.”

“I don’t want things to be normal,” Robbie sneered.

“Well, I don’t want to keep lying to them.” 

“What is the big problem, Sportaleif? They're not even mad at me. They just think it’s normal Robbie villain stuff.” 

“That’s the problem! You haven’t been doing ’normal Robbie villain stuff’. You stopped the flowers from growing when I messed up. You suggested this store plant idea so I wouldn’t have to feel bad about using magic again. You bought me these clothes and you’re helping with the garden and you’ve been nothing but good to me this whole time. You’ve been sweet and kind and helpful and it frustrates me so much that you won’t let anyone see how good you are!” Sportacus’s face felt hot in the rain, so hot it should be turning the raindrops into steam. His heart was pounding so much he could feel it pulsing in his fists.

“Well, it frustrates _me_ that you keep trying to sabotage yourself every time some little thing goes wrong. You love gardening and you love being Leif. Why won’t you just let yourself be happy with this?”

“I’m supposed to be the hero, Robbie.” Sportacus said, sounding far softer in contrast to Robbie’s accusing tone, “These kids don’t need me anymore.”

“What?”

“Haven’t you noticed this whole time there haven’t been any emergencies? I haven’t had to run around changing costumes. I was even able to leave town today for _hours_. These kids don’t need me anymore.” He repeated, then slowed down, whispering so that he could hardly hear himself over the rain bouncing off them, so quiet Robbie would not have heard if not for how close they had become, “And as soon as I took off the costume you’ve been the one saving me.”

“Sportacus…” Robbie was pretty sure Sportacus was crying, which was a terribly painful thing for Robbie to witness. “You really feel that way?”

“Yes.”

“Sportacus, you don’t have to be needed to be wanted,” Robbie spoke with difficulty, as if he couldn’t fathom what Sportacus was saying to him. “They all want you here. You’re their friend.”

Sportacus thought about it for a second, “What about you?”

“I want you. Because you’re- well I- I need you here.”

“You haven’t been antagonizing me everyday like you used to. If you aren't the villain anymore you don’t need me to be your hero.”

Robbie got closer still. Close enough to hold his hands to Sportacus’s shoulders, so that the rain between them was thin enough that Robbie could see Sportacus’s eyes red from crying. “I need _you_ , Sportacus. Not some hero. I need _this_. I need _us_.”

Sportacus closed his eyes tightly and brought his hands to Robbie’s face, holding it almost desperately. “Robbie. I need you too.”

“Can I kiss you?”

Sportacus closed his eyes in expectation, closing his eyes and letting the rain drip down his face. Robbie’s lips met his, soft and warm and tender; everything he’d wanted for their first kiss and more. Robbie’s shyness and hesitation was apparent in the robotic grip Robbie had on Sportacus’s shoulders, but that was who Robbie was and Sportacus savored it. The hesitation he felt was a reflection of how much he wanted to get it _right_. Sportacus loved that.

Sportacus kissed back softly, feeling his body relaxing out of his control -but not against his will. Sportacus wrapped his arms around Robbie’s mid back and pulled him closer, partially to free Robbie from his statue-like position. Robbie relaxed into Sportacus and dared to kiss a little deeper and Sportacus did the same. 

Robbie rutted against Sportacus, presumably trying to press his knee into Robbie’s crotch, but he couldn’t exactly get it right. It seemed like he’d never had a steamy make out session with someone as short as Sportacus. Sportacus couldn’t help but laugh at his observation.

“What?” Robbie asked self-consciously.

“No, I’m not trying to be mean. You’re just cute.”

Robbie frowned and cupped Sportacus’s butt, which made Sportacus jump. “I’m not trying to be cute.”

Sportacus suppressed his giggle, thinking Robbie might not appreciate it right now. “You can be cute and sexy, Robbie.” He said, running his hands on Robbie’s shoulders blades. “Even if you can’t rub between my legs when we kiss.”

With that determined look that Sportacus loved so much, Robbie stepped back a bit and before Sportacus could fathom what was happening, Robbie was on his knees with his face in his crotch.

Sportacus didn’t think anymore. He just let his fingers dig into Robbie’s wet hair and tensed into it as Robbie pressed his face into Sportacus’s hard stomach, his hands on Sportacus’s back, dipping under Sportacus’s shirt, moving Sportacus’s surprisingly dry undershirt out of the way as he pressed his cool dripping face onto Sportacus’s abs.

Sportacus felt himself pushing back into Robbie, a little too hard, having to open his eyes to catch his balance, which was when he _saw_. “Robbie, your pants!”

He was referring, of course, to the mud that his knees and shins were sinking into. Robbie looked down at the state of his pants: _totally ruined_. “Oh…” he whispered. And then, after a moment, burst out laughing, covering his face with his hands. “Can we do this without me inevitably embarrassing myself.”

Sportacus surprised them both when he smiled his widest smile and  
dropped down, joining Robbie with his knees in the mud.

“Hey! I just bought you those pants.”

Sportacus kept smiling.”Sorry, but messing around with Robbie Rotten in the mud? I’ve had this fantasy before.” He inched closer, reaching for Robbie’s shoulders.

Robbie laughed. “Fantasy? About kissing me in the mud? You’re disgusting.” Robbie grabbed a handful of mud and pressed it into the opening of Sportacus’s shirt he’d made before, rubbing it into Sportacus’s clean white tank top.

Sportacus gasped and then laughed, sticking his hand in the mud next to Robbie and running his hands all over Robbie’s thighs.

“You little…” Robbie fumbled with his shirt and Sportacus did the same, both tossing them over to the relative safety of the billboard’s cement base. Robbie looked suddenly mortified, which Sportacus assumed was over his newly-exposed exceptionally-pale upper half. Sportacus grabbed two handfuls of mud and smeared it in two asymmetrical lines over Robbie's chest. Robbie gasped at the cold feeling at let loose a fit of giggles. “This is so _gross_! B-but”

Sportacus laughed and tried to answer the statement Robbie couldn’t. “But it’s fun.”

“Exactly.” Mustered up all his strength, Robbie took hold of Sportacus’s shoulders and shoved. Sportacus landed with a splash in the mud and laughed delightedly as Robbie straddled him, placing his hands on either side of Sportacus’s head. Their faces were close again, water trickled down Robbie’s forehead, coming like a current from behind his ears and systemically destabilizing Robbie’s pompadour.

“Sportacus,” he said, full of wonder. “I finally have my hero on the run.”

Sportacus put one of his hands onto Robbie cheek, brushing some moisture off of it with his thumb. “My villain number one.”

Robbie leaned down to Sportacus, kissing him softly, softer than before but just as wonderful. Sportacus added a second hand to Robbie’s face and gripping it for a moment (no doubt getting more mud on him) before moving his hands to the back or Robbie’s neck, massaging in a way that made Robbie’s body tremble. Robbie rewarded his behavior by grinding into Sportacus’s crotch with his hips, pushing a breathy, needy gasp from Sportacus’s lips.

Robbie moved his mouth down to Sportacus’s exposed neck, quickly realized that just about all the prime sucking areas were covered in mud. He tried to rub some of but his hands were too muddy. “Stupid mud”. He whispered as he readjusted, putting his knee between Sportacus’s legs so he could lean back a little and work on some of that beautiful chest. 

Sportacus groaned at Robbie’s knee digging into his boner. And then gasped softly at Robbie’s lips on his collarbone. “Robbie, ah, feels good.”

“I’d be able to kiss you everywhere if _someone_ hadn’t covered himself in mud.’

Sportacus patted his hands in the mud and smiled up at Robbie. “We have our whole lives ahead of us.” They both seemed to feel the weight of the implication that they could do this whenever they wanted indefinitely, both living out private brief fantasies of things they wanted to do to each other.

“Okay Sportacus. When we’re done with this I’m putting you in a shower and I’m kissing absolutely every inch of your body.”

Sportacus squeezed his eyes closed and thrusted into Robbie’s knee. “Yes absolutely, whenever you want.”

The statement seemed to lit something possessive in Robbie. He was lost in his fantasies for a moment more as he ran his hands up and down Sportacus’s arms. Sportacus thrusted upward and it seemed to bring Robbie back to the man underneath him, patiently waiting for Robbie’s attention.

Robbie peeled Sportacus’s clingy undershirt up and revealed Sportacus’s hard stomach. He licked his lips at the sight of that (mostly) clean skin and pushed his face down into them, lapping up the water collecting in the dips between his muscles.

It was unraveling Sportacus. “Robbie-” Sportacus whispered “-amazing”. He was true to the epithet Robbie had given him, _the man who never stood still_ was squirming and twitching and flexing under Robbie’s tongue and lips, which meant Robbie also should have expected Sportacus flipping him suddenly, splashing mud all around them.

“Yuck!” Robbie laughed, but seeing Sportacus on top of him, looking so triumphant as he shook some mud and water out of his curls, his wet tank top half rolled up, half clinging to one of his breasts… it was too beautiful a sight to mind the mess.

Sportacus moved his muddy hand between Robbie’s legs, sizing up Robbie’s erection through his pants. Robbie thrusted forward into Sportacus’s hand. “You are big aren’t you Robbie? I knew you would be.” He kept moving the bulge around with the heel of his hand. 

Robbie reached out to Sportacus’s chest, squeezing both of his breasts at once, stretching the fabric on the still clothed breast. Sportacus hissed when Robbie’s fingers found his nipples, temporarily distracted from Robbie’s hardened dick. “Yes, please that.”

Robbie smiled, “You like that?” He leaned up, pushing Sportacus’s slick tank top up with his nose and taking Sportacus’s nipple between his lips.

Sportacus nodded and fisted his hair through the remnants of Robbie’s pompadour. “Yes, yes. Love that.”

Sportacus was getting mud in Robbie’s hair, but it was pretty clear that Robbie no longer cared. He was too fixated on Sportacus’s body.

Robbie toppled Sportacus over and kissed his lips deeply, grinded himself on Sportacus’s pants, making them both groan at the restricted contact. Robbie’s hands went to the hem of Sportacus’s pants, dipping his fingers and clutching them at the button. “Can I take off your pants?”

Sportacus nodded and brought his hands up to Robbie’s pants as well, both struggling to free their erections. Robbie was barely able to move Sportacus’s pants but he got his fly down. Sportacus unzipped Robbie’s pants and heaved them down to his thighs, revealing a set of very lacey purple underwear.

Sportacus felt his words get caught in his throat. The deep purple against the pale of Robbie’s skin, stubble of recently shaved dark pubic hair peppering the space around. It was such delicate, lovely lace, barely containing Robbie’s straining cock. “Robbie” Sportacus said in wonder, hovering a hand over them. “Did you wear these for me?”

“I-I wore them for me. I didn't plan this.”

Sportacus touched his hands to Robbie’s outer thighs. “I'm going to ruining them.”

“I don't care, just touch me Sportacus a swear to-”

Robbie was interrupted by Sportacus doing just that, grabbing his dick through the panties and running his fingers through the texture of the lace. 

Robbie moaned and went back to working Sportacus as well, grabbing him through his boxers and pulling his fabric with him as he stroked.

Sportacus pulled his hands away and looked at the mud he'd left on the no doubt expensive undergarment. Robbie looked down at himself, and scoffed. Grabbing Sportacus’s hands and examining them. “You ruined my underwear,” he stated the obvious.

“I'll clean them for you later,” Sportacus whispered.

Robbie leaned forward, putting Sportacus’s hands above his head, pinning him into the ground. “I ought to ruin you.” He rutted into Sportacus, their erections felt incredible rubbing together, so good that Robbie almost forgot to play angry.

Sportacus thrusted up into Robbie. 

“But I can’t. I can't even be mean to you anymore.”

Sportacus was nearly too lust-ridden to answer, “I know-” he said, breathlessly “-I know, you don’t have to tell me.”

Robbie released the grip on Sportacus’s hands. “Keep them there.” He said and Sportacus pressed them further into the weakening ground. He sat up, straddling Sportacus and pulled down Sportacus’s briefs, just enough to free his erection. He did the same to himself, pushing the thin purple fabric to the side slightly.

Sportacus groaned and wiggled when he saw Robbie’s erection. 

“What is it?”

“I want to suck it.”

Robbie scoffed and laid his erection on Sportacus’s, lining them up with his hands. “Please, you got it all dirty with your own hands. I’m not letting you poison yourself by eating mud you dirty little elf.”

Sportacus gave Robbie a look that he could feel was much to pouty for his superhero status. Maybe he needed a break from being composed and understanding all the time.

“What was it you said? We have the rest of our lives ahead of us?” Robbie said, kind of awkwardly injecting it, and trying not to catch Sportacus’s gaze.

Sportacus felt a pleasant relief at the thought that yes, he could suck Robbie off later, and then he could suck Robbie off again, and again, and again. “Hmm, yes, I can accept that.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Robbie focused on the cocks he had in his hand, pumping them until Sportacus was clouded with lust.

Sportacus was suddenly very glad for Robbie’s big hands; he could encompass both of their cocks, easily squeezing them as he pushed down. Robbie was a little longer than Sportacus, which was only natural considering his height. He had to slant his hand to rub both of there heads.

Sportacus knew the physical sensation for Robbie was probably barely different than jerking himself off. But Robbie just looked so enchanted at seeing Sportacus unraveling beneath him; hands near completely submerged in the mud from how hard he was pressing them down. Sportacus was a rutting, flexing, gasping mess. “God, you’re not even all the way hard yet- how are you so responsive. It’s incredibly hot.”

Before Sportacus could respond, Robbie was leaning over him, kissing those pale parted lips. Robbie kissed him deeply, and was met with Sportacus kissing him frantically. When the feeling of Robbie’s hand pushing, twisting the skin of his cock got to be too much -which was often- Sportacus had to interrupt their kisses with strained gasps, little whimpers. Keeping his hands above his head was restricting Sportacus from kissing Robbie as hard as he wanted, but Robbie was having a fantastic time of holding Sportacus’s bottom lip between his teeth and pulling away, to just beyond where Sportacus could reach him without pulling his hands out of the mud.

Robbie decided to take pity on him. “You can move your hands now.” He said breaking away from the kiss for a second.

Sportacus flipped him over in a second. Robbie felt himself sinking into the ground. ‘Gross’ he would have said, but between how dazed he was and how quickly Sportacus had his lips in his own, pinning his shoulders with his hands that were more mud than hand. 

“So hot,” Sportacus said between kisses so hard their teeth clacked. “Robbie you’re so so hot.”

Robbie scoffed self consciously, “You too, Sportafuck. So obedient.”

Sportacus let his hands slip off Robbie’s shoulders. He moved a hand (which was more mud than hand) to their dicks, before Robbie could protest on the grounds of how that is _not_ a place for mud, Sportacus’s hand was already there, slicking them both, up and down, between and around. Robbie marveled and how cool and slick it felt, how peculiar the texture was; it was like lube but different, perhaps better, or maybe the thing that made it better was just the skillful hand applying it. Robbie couldn’t stop himself from moaning.

Sportacus laughed, which made Robbie’s rain-slick face flush a little, but Sportacus was looking at him with such delight that not even his self-doubting brain could imagine he was laughing at him. He was just delighted. Delighted that Robbie was moaning, that he was experiencing pleasure. Sportacus genuinely just wanted Robbie to feel good. He wanted everyone to feel good, just wanted to make people happy.

Robbie sucked in his breath hard when Sportacus switched hands, adding new disgusting (wonderful) mud to their combined boners. Sportacus gritted his teeth at the noise he’d pushed out his partner. Robbie seemed to notice, making eye contact with Sportacus, shutting his eyes and with Sportacus next slow stroke he had his inhibitions low enough to let out deep moan from his chest. Sportacus responded immediately and unconsciously, thrusting up into the space between Robbie’s dick and his hand.

Robbie let himself vocalize his pleasure, a long drawn out sound, raising when Sportacus thrusted his dick all the way up to his hand. Sportacus’s thighs shook, his face contorting with pleasure at each change of tone.

“Are you getting off on hearing me moan?” Robbie asked, sounding amused and self-assured.

“Y-yes?” He said, stopping his thrusts and going back to stroking. “You’re sexy.”

Robbie laughed a little. “I think I like hearing you say ‘sexy’ in your little voice. Say ‘fuck’ for me.”

Sportacus sputtered a little “I- you- you’ll have to earn that one.”

Robbie slapped Sportacus’s ass, the cupped his hands over his briefs, squeezing and moving around the only spot on Sportacus’s body that was graced with more fat than muscle.

Sportacus leaned back into it and Robbie held onto his ass hard, pushing him back forward. Sportacus grabbed their dicks again, stroking them at his own pace with one hand. When Sportacus doubled over with the pleasure of it, Robbie grabbed one of his nipples and pinched it, Sportacus yelped, but when Robbie took his hand away he whined. Robbie smiled and kept working on it, flicking it with his index finger in time with each stroke of their cocks. 

“Robbie” Sportacus managed. “Robbie it feels good. Don’t let go.” The trembling in Sportacus’s outstretched thighs was intensifying, spreading to his hands, or at least to the hand that was clutching onto Robbie for support. 

“Are you close?” Robbie asked.

“Yes, so close,” Sportacus answered quickly.

Robbie swatted Sportacus’s hand away and grabbed their dicks. “I want to be the one who makes you come.”

Sportacus made a noise that very clearly indicated he was happy with the new arrangement. His face streaked with rain and sweat and mud and who knows what else but Robbie was looking at him and saw eyelid-fluttering, mouth-parted beauty. Sportacus felt the overwhelming weight of how much Robbie wanted this, how much Robbie cared for him. He couldn’t believe this was really happening. He’d thought neither of them could get it together long enough to make this work. He’d thought maybe they were too different, both too peculiar in opposing ways. But now, it _was_ happening; Robbie in the dirt with him, absolutely losing himself with how much he wanted to make Sportacus cum, jerking so hard it hurt.

“Robbie-” Sportacus choked out, and Robbie realized he was jerking their cocks rather violently and his fingers still held Sportacus’s nipple captive. Robbie let go of the nipple and leaned forward, kissing it gently, sweetly. He controlled himself more put kept his pace up. Overall, he was on his best behavior. Sweet and loving to the man who meant everything to him.

And Sportacus came; Robbie feeling his cum oozing out, mixing with the mud still between them. Robbie jerked him through the last drop and then jerked him some more, watching Sportacus squirm away from the overstimulation. The feeling of warm cum being added to the ooze between them was all Robbie needed, lifting himself so he was on his knees. “Sportacus- can I-” he spoke haltingly, trying to compose himself long enough to speak. “Can I come on your face?”

Sportacus nodded, content to flop over into the mud and lay prone for Robbie. Robbie barely got to straddling Sportacus’s face with his knees, the sight of Sportacus laying there with his mouth open in post-orgasmic bliss was too much. Robbie came in ribbons onto Sportacus’s face. Sportacus tensed and relaxed, whimpering softly as the cum splattered across his face.

Robbie collapsed on top of Sportacus, both men panting, as the world as they knew it slowly slipped back. Everything was so loud; torrents of rain bounced off the billboard and the trees. It was amazing that they had become almost deaf to it in their passion. Sportacus rubbed Robbie’s back softly, Robbie burrowed his face into his chest. They were too dirty to kiss each other, but both felt a shared sense peace that was beyond words or action.

“We should get into that shower. I’m pretty sure we’re going to catch a cold laying out in this.” Robbie said finally.

Sportacus laughed and lifted Robbie off him. “That sounds lovely.”


	7. Chapter 7

After they had both gotten cleaned up, Robbie was lounging in his chair, watching as Sportacus stretched himself out, only part way dressed and still a little wet.

It felt so nice to be clean, but Robbie kept thinking about how nice it had felt to be dirty as well. Despite how _disgusting_ it was also oddly liberating to just be gross and have nothing to do but get more dirty. And what they were doing _was_ dirty wasn’t it? Robbie, the town villain, making out with the town hero. That wasn’t supposed to happen. But why on earth had it feel so right? 

In all of his scheming, Robbie’s favorite part had always been the parts where he would make Sportacus laugh. He loved Sportacus’s laugh and his smile, the way he squeezed his eyes so tight and his smile forced his cheekbones up so high that they looked like little apples in his cheeks. It was very clear to him then, when they were just two people stripped of pretense. 

Maybe that’s what this had all been for? All this Leif stuff. Maybe they just needed to set their notions about their roles in the town aside in order to be happy. 

Now that they were both clean, Robbie in his pajamas and Sportacus in a towel waiting for his clothing to come out of the dryer, Robbie thought he felt the same as he had felt in the mud. Even though they were surrounded by instruments of his villainy, all he could see was a _real person_ sitting on his plush orange carpet. It was uncanny. Sportacus was the symbol of goodness and health and kindness and yet in front of him, in this moment, he was just a sopping wet elf. He was full of secret imperfections, his back covered with freckles and moles and scars. Heck, he even had tan lines. He was just a person. An incredibly strong, attractive, wonderful, elven person, but a person nonetheless.

“Do you have a name?” Robbie asked suddenly.

Sportacus turned his stretching towards Robbie, “What?”

“You know, besides Sportacus. Isn’t that like, a title?”

“Kind of. Sportacus is my name, but it was given to me when I became an adult.” Sportacus got up just to plop down closer to Robbie in his orange chair, “Before that I had another name but… It’s not my name anymore. You aren’t supposed to tell people your childhood name.”

Robbie nodded. “Right. That’s okay. I was just curious,” Robbie looked off to the side. “It’s occurring to me that you don’t really seem like ‘Sportacus’ when you aren’t wearing all the- you know-” Robbie gestured over his chest and imitated beeping. “You still seem like the same person but… I wonder if there is more depth to you than that heroic name allows.”

Sportacus thought about this. “Sometimes I still feel like before I was _Sportacus_ ,” he laid his head onto Robbie’s leg. LIke I still feel like the kid I was before. I think… mostly it’s good and fun but… but sometimes it’s because I’m scared and confused and I don’t _really_ know what I’m doing.”

“We have that in common than,” Robbie ran his fingers through Sportacus’s wet curls. “Maybe I should be calling you Leif sometimes then… Like in private moments like this. Superman was Clark Kent sometimes you know? Maybe your ‘disguise’ isn’t a disguise as much as just another piece of you.”

Sportacus sat and fought for a moment, “You know, a lot of elven families keep calling their kids by their childhood names in private but.. I don’t…” Sportacus collected his thoughts for a moment, “Maybe that is like having a break from our titles… but there’s no one who would know that anymore. Maybe I’m missing out on something.”

Robbie tried to process, “You don’t have any family anymore?”

“No, not for a long time.”

“Oh.” Robbie said softly, then reached his arms down to usher Sportacus to join him in the chair.

Sportacus did so, quietly, cherishing Robbie’s holding. After Robbie had squeezed the doubt out of him he softly declared, “You can call me Leif in private. It seems so silly when I can easily live my life being Sportacus all the time.”

“We’ll try it out then.” Robbie said. “If it feels wrong I can go back to just calling you Sportacus. Or actually, really stupid variations of Sportacus.”

Sportacus laughed a little, “Leif is a little more intimate than Sportaflop huh?”

“Just maybe.” Robbie chuckled. He brushed Sportacus’s hair from side to side, running through it in a way that would surely make it dry incorrectly, but Sportacus didn’t seem to mind. The buzzer on Robbie’s dryer cut through the companionable silence and Sportacus got up to fetch his clothing. 

Sportacus emerged, dressed in his clean gardening clothes, and wrapped Robbie in a hug. He was so warm and soft. Robbie was learning that warm and soft seemed to be his normal state of being, but the fresh laundry was another level of coziness.

“I think… I’m going to go exercise and clear my head. I have to figure out what I’m going to do about the kids.”

Robbie nodded. “If you need anything, I’ll be here.”

—

Sometimes Sportacus liked to walk. He loved flipping and jumping off everything in sight of course. But sometimes he liked to walk and take a little extra time to notice his surroundings. Of course, if he started flipping around in his cargo pants he would probably rip them clean in half. So really he _had_ to walk, but he could still enjoy it.

Everything smelled like wet rain. It rained too seldom in Lazytown, so when it did the ground became alive with traveling worms and dirt that didn’t quite remember how to absorb water. Sportacus squatted down to move a couple worms off the sidewalk and into back into the dirt.

“Lief!” 

Sportacus looked up. “Oh, hi Stephanie.” He wasn’t sure he wanted to talk to anyone right now but he couldn’t ignore his best friend.

Stephanie had the biggest smile on. “I’m so glad I caught you. I wanted to apologize for earlier-”

“No, no you really don’t have to apologize,” Sportacus cut her off.

“I am apologizing though. I feel so silly. Robbie used to be more, well… He got up to more trouble. But he hasn’t been scheming in the same way as he used to for a long time now. He was just trying to make the town prettier by making the flowers grow. I feel pretty bad that I jumped to a conclusion like that.”

Sportacus felt his heart growing. Stephanie was growing up so well. “Accepting that people change and grow is a very important thing to do.” Sportacus put a hand on her shoulder. “It’s good that you have said this to me, but I think you should say it to Robbie too.”

“Say it to Robbie?” Stephanie looked unsure. “I don’t know. It might be weird to say. We aren’t that close.”

“Robbie isn’t close to anyone in town. Maybe if you told him you appreciate that he’s being good he might be closer. You might make a new friend.” Sportacus smiled and moved another worm from the pavement to the grass.

Stephanie seemed to think about it. “Okay. I think I will. But first!” She took something out of her pocket and held it between her hands. “I got you a thank you slash I’m sorry gift… Close your eyes and hold out your hand! 

Sportacus complied and Stephanie dropped the object in his hands “Okay! Open them!”

Sportacus felt hardly a light weight dropped in his hands and opened his eyes. “It’s a ribbon,” he said.

“Your hair is always getting in your face while you work. So i made you a hair tie!” Stephanie explained.

It was a pink ribbon with a smaller light blue ribbon fixed to the center. It had little strings coming off the fringe and gems hot glued along the smaller ribbon. Sportacus held it delicately in his hands and felt himself starting to tear up. “This is so thoughtful…” he whispered. Then suddenly a tear threatened to fall and he held Stephanie very very close.

“Wow, I didn’t know you were going to like it that much…” Stephanie mumbled and patted the man hugging her, very confused by how much he had appreciated it.

“I want to show you something. Two things actually,” he said pulling away. He gathered up his hair in his hands and tied it back with the new ribbon. In doing this, he turned his head and revealed his slightly pointed ears.

Stephanie looked aghast but spoke quietly. “Are you an elf?”

“Yes, I am.”

“For real? A real live elf?”

“Yes, for real,” Sportacus nodded and smiled weakly. “I was the one who made the flowers grow. With magic.”

“Oh!” Stephanie put her hands over her mouth. “No wonder you acted so weird earlier. You felt guilty…”

“That’s right. And I didn’t want to tell everyone I was an elf.”

“Why not?”

Sportacus thought about it. “Well… Some things are private. No that’s not quite what I mean… I guess… I have to show you my other secret.”

Stephanie moved back and forth between her feet, clearly enthralled but what secret was bigger than being a magic elf.

Sportacus reached into his pocket and plucked out Sportacus’s crystal, holding it up between them for Stephanie to see.

“That… looks like Sportacus’s crystal.”

He really thought just the crystal would be enough explanation. “Yes well, I am Sportacus.”

Stephanie gave him a discerning look. “No you’re not. Sportacus has a pointy mustache. _And_ he wears blue.”

Sportacus pulled down and twisted out the curled ends of his mustache until it was his usual straight look.

“You’re Sportacus? But that means,” Stephanie clearly believed him this time, suddenly clasping both of her hands over her mouth, “Sportacus is an elf?”

“Yes.” Sportacus said. “I didn’t want anyone to know Lief was an elf because if you found out Lief was Sportacus then you… You would know I’m an elf.”

Stephanie took the hands off of her mouth and took a deep breath.

“I didn’t want anyone to think they couldn’t be a hero.” Sportacus was honest with her. “I didn’t want you to think that I’m strong and healthy just because I’m a whole different species.”

Stephanie seemed to be deep in thought.

“I’m sorry,” Sportacus said, her silence was terrifying to him. “I’m sorry I never told you and I’m sorry I made you think I was two different people… You’re my best friend, Stephanie. I shouldn’t have done any of that to you.”

Finally she smiled a little and held out her arms for a hug. “It’s okay,” she said in her way. “I feel surprised, but you’re my best friend too. I mean Trixie is my best friend, but you can be my best friend too, right?”

Sportacus laughed a little laugh. That was such a weird part of the apology to be stuck on. “I think you can have two best friends. We can be best friends in different ways,” he reassured her. “What about all the other stuff? Are you okay with me being an elf?”

“I guess so. I mean I don’t know much about elves. I guess I have a lot to learn. But you’re Sportacus and you’re an elf so that’s okay.”

“Wow,” Sportacus let out a deep breath. “I didn’t expect that to go so well. I am still very _very_ worried about everyone else. I want to tell everyone the whole truth but… Trixie’s going to hate me. Stingy’s going to be really mad too. And Pixel, he’ll definitely hate me. And oh my god, Ziggy. I’m going to break his little heart.” He gasped a little. “Stephanie… I don’t know what to do…”

“Wow.” Stephanie said with her hands up. “Breath Sportacus. No one’s going to hate you. Just tell them what you told me. No one cares if you’re an elf.”

“Yeah but I also assumed a whole fake identity and lied to everyone.”

“Yeah- well so does Robbie, like all the time. And you were just making the town look nicer.”

“That’s true,” Sportacus had to concede that point. “But I’m the town hero. I’m not supposed to do stuff like this…”

“No one is going to throw you out of town for _gardening_ , Sportacus.” Stephanie shook her head as she reassured him. “Trust me. It’s going to be okay. And if someone is mad at you, I can talk to them. I’ll set them straight.”

“That’s really… that’s really kind.” Sportacus gave her a hug, a very very tight hug. “Can you be there when I tell people? You’ve been such a supportive friend.”

“Of course,” she smiled and patted his back with her little hands. “And I learned the supportive from you.”

—

Stephanie was ready to bring everyone into town, but like many days, everyone was already in the park. Sportacus explained in the same way he had tried to explain to Stephanie, first revealing his ears to the small gathering of captivated faces.

“You’re an elf!” Trixie exclaimed.

“Does that mean you have elf powers?” Ziggy asked.

“Yes, I do, but I don’t use them hardly ever,” Sportacucs explained to his friends gathered around as he sat atop a low wall. “Which is why I messed up and made the flowers grow too fast.”

Trixie gasped, “It _was_ you! Why did you say it was Robbie?”

“I’m sorry,” Sportacus said, feeling his face heating up a little at the accusation, “I didn’t want him to do that. But I did let him and I feel terrible. Which is why I’m telling you now.”

“What’s the big deal with Lief growing some flowers anyway?” Stingy asked. “He’s a _gardener_. So what if he’s a magic gardener.”

“Yeah!” Ziggy said, very ready to hop on the defense of his newest friend. “He’s just a magic gardner.”

“The big deal is that…” Sportacus shifted a little on the damp cement of the wall, “I am Sportacus.”

Stingy laughed, almost sounding mean. “Good joke, Leif, but Sportacus wears blue and has a pointy mustache.”

Sportacus smiled at his friends. They really would fall for any disguise. As he had done with Stephanie, he straightened out his mustache, sat up a little straighter, and put his fists on his hips like a true hero.

“Sportacus!” they all said in unison.

“But, but, that means that…” Ziggy started.

“Sportacus, you’re an elf!” Pixel said.

“And a blonde!” Bessie said, scandalized.

Sportacus wasn’t sure what else he should say. “I wasn’t trying to hide being an elf… But the longer I didn’t tell you all the more it felt like I shouldn’t… I’m sorry kids…”

Ziggy looked forlorn… “Does this mean… you can only be a superhero if you’re an elf?”

“No-no!” Sportacus waved his hands quickly. “Anyone can be strong if they eat right and practice every day!” He said with his usual flourish. “You can be whatever you want to be!”

“If that’s true,” Trixie asked, “Why are you trying to sneak around and be a gardener?”

“I don’t know.” he said. “I wasn’t expecting you all to think I was a different person with just a change of clothes… And then I liked being a gardener so much…"

“I still don’t understand why you didn’t tell anyone.” Pixel strummed his fingers thoughtfully against his headset.

“Honestly… I liked to play pretend… I understand why you all do it so much. It’s kind of nice to pretend to be someone else. Especially with Robbie.”

“Oh my god!” Stephanie said suddenly. “Leif and Robbie are dating- that means-”

“Robbie and Sportacus are dating!” Bessie looked like she could pass out, taking out a cell phone and typing away.

“You’re dating _Robbie_?” Ziggy exclaimed. “He’s so mean.”

“He can be, but he’s been better. He can be very nice too.”

The town all seemed like they were collectively trying to process the copious information they’d just recieved.

“So…” Ziggy asked, “Are you Sportacus? Or are you Leif?”

Sportacus felt the question hit him harder than the boy had intended. He thought about it, turning the inquiry around in his mind and dissecting it into different pieces. “I will always be Sportacus,” he said, “But lately I’ve been wondering if Lazytown really _needs_ a Sportacus anymore.”

“What?”

“I just mean that…” This was a painful subject for Sportacus but he did his best to be honest with his friends. “You’re all getting older and safer and healthier. I’m getting older too… I don’t know if you really need a hero around… Or if I can be the person you need me to be.”

The kids all looked up at Sportacus absolutely heart broken

“You aren’t… you aren’t leaving us are you?”

Sportacus looked down at Ziggy, “I thought, maybe you would want me to go.”

“We _don’t_.” Stephanie answered and everyone nodded enthusiastically.

“Yeah, Sportacus please don’t leave us over something like that,” Pixel assured.

“You don’t have to be a superhero. You can just be a friend,” Ziggy smiled up at Sportacus

Sportacus had to stop himself from crying. “Really? Even if I’m not being useful?” he asked softly.

“Yes, really,” Stingy said with a snort. “No one in this town does anything useful.”

That got a laugh out of everyone, and a little self deprecating laughter from the adults. 

“So you’ll stay?” Ziggy asked.

Sportacus looked around at all his friends and with a small smile he hopped off the wall he’d been sitting on, “Yes, I’ll stay.”

They all cheered; Ziggy wrapped around Sportacus’s legs in a hug, the others quickly followed suit.

“I’ll always be the hero you need when you need me but…” he looked over to the community garden, looking happily green after the rain, “I think I’ll spend more time down here in the garden.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this took me over a year to finish. I really had to go through a lot of personal resolution before I could authentically resolve Sportacus's little midlife crisis. If there is enough interest I will publish a happy little epilogue. 
> 
> Also, since I'm very attached to this little post canon Sportacus-gardening-as-the-kids-get-older set up, I'll probably set my next project in the same universe. It's a post canon Trixannie, kinda about learning to have fun again & found family & having old embarrassing gay dads.
> 
> If you know me you probably know that I never finish anything. I hate for things to end too much. So I'm very proud to have finished something! Even though it's short and it took a year. Big big thank you to my good friends Xtine & Parker for helping me w/ editing when I was still getting a feel for this & thank you to Tat for literally driving me to home depot & thank you to Cole for always encouraging me and supporting me through my changes in the past year & thank you to Jay bonymaloney for literally writing porn about an off hand characterization moment in this fic (and for being a great gym encouragement friend!!) & thank you to Miko & Vanessa for always reading encouraging me & of course thank you to everyone who has read, comment, given kudos- I appreciate you all so much!!


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